7 Reasons Mariah Carey is the Greatest "Crazy" Celebrity

Mariah Carey is awesome, but not because she's completely aware of herself at all times or completely unaware of herself. Her real gift? That she is the most half-aware celebrity in existence. This is a woman who loves winking decadence and snide one-liners as much as any drag queen, but because she's such an unmistakable diva and Leona Helmsley-level snob, she's oblivious to how ridiculous her attitudes and self-absorption sometimes are. That is a very exciting spectrum of nuttiness. She's knowingly and unknowingly outrageous, and her vacillating self-concept makes her both a dependable goof and an unpredictable spectacle. I love her.

I also love American Idol and will again recap it for its 12th season. While Nicki Minaj is garnering good buzz for her work as a new judge, here are seven reasons I'm most rooting for Mariah's success on the show.

1. She once gave us a Bewitched-style alter ego named Bianca.

The year was 1999. The video was "Heartbreaker." Mariah wrestled with a smirking, dark-haired version of herself in a movie theater bathroom. Elizabeth Montgomery is giggling in heaven, because this is the closest thing our generation has seen to "mischievous cousin Serena."

2. She hates her left side. She's the new Claudette Colbert!

3. She is an unmatched HSN shill.

Talk about vacillating self-awareness. Her hilarious jokes and non-jokes stop and start at unpredictable intervals. This is why Mariah should counsel youngsters on Idol, as well as strike fear into them.

4. She loves MOMENTS.

Videos like thi! s are why we have the internet.

5. She names her albums after gay iconography and trinkets.

Rainbow. Charmbracelet. Dreamlover. Music Box. The Emancipation of Mimi. And the gayest album title of all: Mariah Carey.

6. Her episode of MTV's Cribs is Generation Y's only true camp masterpiece.

NEVER forget that Mariah Carey gave us a tour of her gigantic New York home, slipped out of her clothes and into a hot tub, slipped on high heels for a jog on the elliptical, refused to show us the piano she owned because it once belonged to noted virtuoso Marilyn Monroe (!?), and switched outfits more than a half-dozen times in the space of an hour. Who needs Mommie Dearest when you can re-watch this camp gem a million times and gawk at every viewing?

7. She boasts the only celebrity meltdown worth discussing.

Forget Lindsay Lohan. Mariah Carey's meltdown was public, one-of-a-kind, uncomfortably loud, and also lovable. She extemporaneously stormed the TRL set with a grin on her face, offered Carson Daly's congregation Popiscles, proceeded to strip down to gold booty shorts like one of Nelly's backup dancers, and muttered something about being very stressed out. Soon she was hospitalized for exhaustion, but I can never forget this kooky, yet weirdly understandable spectacle. She did just bomb with Glitter, y'all.

Excited for Idol? I. Am.